Five Signs that Your Website is a Zombie (with editor’s notes)

Someone more noteworthy than myself once said the best defense strategy you can employ in the event of a zombie outbreak is to build a fortress made of failed zombie movie scripts and hope for the best. (Editor’s Note: Did somebody really say this, or are you just making it up?)

screen-shot-2011-12-12-at-11-51-46-am-300x214Zombies never go out of style. They’re like cat videos – people just can’t get enough of them. As a society, we’re all just too enamored with the idea of being a dead man’s entrée to let the cultural phenomenon, well, die. (Editor’s Note: cute)

So zombies are everywhere. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that the chances are very good that someone you know is or could become a zombie. And that sucks for them (Editor’s Note: Vampire joke in a zombie blog, really?).

Unfortunately it could happen to you, too. In fact, your website or blog could be coming down with a case of zombie and you aren’t even aware of it.

(Editor’s Note: We sincerely apologize for the agonizingly drawn out introduction. We now go to “5 Signs that Your Website is a Zombie” already in progress.)

…and that’s the first sign your website could be a zombie.

2.  Your Site Is Dead

A severe lack of vitality is the primary indicator that your website is a zombie.  As in it doesn’t have a pulse. There is nothing active or – shall we say alive – on your site. This can easily be remedied by adding a Twitter feed or a corporate video. Heck, even some flash production will help. Anything other than aged copy and static images that haven’t been changed since the site was originally built. (Editor’s Note: Finally, something of substance.)

3. Your Site Is Visibly Wounded

There’s no such thing as a good-looking zombie. After all, they’re dead. And they usually become dead by bleeding to death after having massive amounts of flesh chewed off. (Editor’s Note: Imagery’s a little strong here – consider toning down.) When obvious problems to your website go unfixed for extended periods of time, your regular visitors will take note. Broken links. Blatant typos. Undersized or irrelevant images. Bad navigation. All signs that your site is a not-so-good-looking zombie.

4. Your Site Smells like 2009

Zombies smell disgusting because they’re dead and have been dead for some time. (Editor’s Note: But have you ever actually smelled one?) (Author’s Note: Yes) Are there indicators on your site that illustrate just how long it’s been since you’ve made any updates? Does “Copyright 2009” appear in your footer? Was your last news update or blog post from that year as well? Is your contact information accurate?

thriller-460_1054147c-300x1875. Your Site Isn’t You

Aside from looking and smelling like death, you can also spot a zombie by his or her peculiar behavior. For instance, it isn’t like Debbie Williams, that nice woman from church who bakes the most delicious oatmeal cookies, to go around chewing people’s faces off. (Editor’s Note: Again, the imagery’s a little strong here.) (Author’s Note: Noted) So watching her chew someone’s face off would likely make you pause and think, “You know, Debbie’s just not herself today.” (Editor’s Note: Seriously.)

Is your site really you? Do the color scheme and design reflect your personality as a company? Does the content – from blog posts to the About Us page – capture who you are as a company? If the personality of your website doesn’t mirror the personality of your company, people will take notice. They’ll see your site for what it is: a zombie chewing people’s faces off. (Editor’s Note: Whatever, I give up).