A Marketing Blog Post About Nothing. And How to Market Nothing

There has been some internal pressure lately from the powers that be to compose a blog post. By internal pressure, I mean guilt. And by powers that be, I mean the sliver of conscience still operating somewhere between my heart, soul, brain and left collarbone.

What, then, to write about? I asked this question several times. Then a solution occurred to me: just see what people are talking about on Twitter and write a blog post that ties it back to marketing. So I went to Twitter. And what were people talking about? The same thing they’re always talking about on Twitter: Nothing.

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Thus, a marketing blog post about Nothing. And how to market Nothing. Marketing and advertising students, grab your notebooks and pay attention, because we’re about to run the marketing gamut here. By the time we’re finished, Nothing will be the new Something. Giddy up!

Objective – What do we intend to accomplish with our marketing strategy? Build brand awareness? Introduce a new product or service? Run a promotion? Enter new regions or markets? Expand market share?

Well, everyone knows about Nothing. Awareness isn’t our problem. It’s increasing market share, at the expense of Something. Everyone wants Something these days. Nothing is out. At least the Nothing of old anyway. But the all new Nothing is what people will want. It’s the iPad of abstract concepts.

Audience – Who in their right mind would want Nothing? Who we selling it to? Aha, the person who has Everything. Indeed, they’re knee deep in Somethings. So we target them. We let them know that Nothing is everything times infinity. It’s what they’ve been waiting for all these years as they’ve spent recklessly on one Something after another. Therefore, we are going after the wealthy and the hoarders.

Messaging – How do we communicate the benefits of Nothing, making it ultra appealing to rich people and the hoarders? Well, rich people want stuff no one else can have. They’ll spend millions on artwork just to own something no one else has. So the all new Nothing has to be exclusive.

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Quality doesn’t matter. Nothing doesn’t have to be the best by virtue of its construction or design. It only has to be exclusive. That alone makes it better than Something, which anyone can buy anywhere.

Potential Taglines: It’s Nothing Like Something.

Or: There’s Nothing Like It.

Boom.

But while quality doesn’t matter much, in order to hit the hoarders market we must convince them that Nothing will last. Nothing can be preserved forever.

Tagline: It’s Nothing to Hold Onto.

Or: Nothing Can Last Forever.

Double Boom.

Here we encounter an unanticipated product benefit – the marketer’s dream. In researching Nothing, we find that it actually helps the hoarders overcome their problem of having too many Somethings. Because hoarding Nothing doesn’t take up any space. And that, my friends, is a whole new campaign.

Tagline: There’s Always Room for Nothing.

And we’ll stop there. Sure, we could discuss strategy and execution. We could discuss the various mediums or whether to get Nothing a booth right next to Something at the Abstract Concepts of the World Exhibit in January 2013. We could even discuss tracking ROI and dabble in how to use SEO to get Nothing ranked on the first page of Google. But that’s nothing I feel like writing about today. So thanks for reading. Next time I’ll write about something better.